WORLD COUNCIL OF CHURCHES STEPS IN
TO BAIL OUT ROMAN CATHOLICS
In a move that echoes the actions taken by national governments in the wake of the banking crisis, the W.C.C. has agreed to underwrite all the losses incurred by the Vatican during the present sexual abuse scandal.
A W.C.C. spokesman told OCICBW... that, although it was totally the fault of the Vatican, the Roman Catholic hierarchy were far too important to have to suffer like ordinary people do when they act with complete irresponsibility.
"The crisis in faith that would almost certainly spread like wildfire around the world if the pope was found to be fallible would probably lead to a complete collapse in the religion market with religious book publishers, evangelical television stations, communion wine suppliers and US small weaponry manufacturers going out of business" he said.
The British prime minister, Mr Gordon Brown, has released a statement that, as he has absolutely no idea what to do in this crisis, he would just do exactly what the US president did but making sure that he spent a lot more of British taxpayers' money doing it than Barack Obama would ever think of committing to the rescue.
Cardinal Idza Kuvrup, of the Vatican press office, told our reporter in Rome that you can't go punishing the pope and the other directors of major religious organisations if they screw up because it would put the right sort of person off applying for the top jobs in faith management.
"It's like the homeland after the war, all over again," the pope is reported to have commented from his hide out in a bunker beneath St. Peter's. "We may have caused the destruction of untold lives but it looks like should come out of it as an even more influential player on the world stage. Especially if those stupid English pick up the tab again."