Just a quick note to let you all know that Mrs MadPriest and myself are spending a couple of days out and about with Glenna and Delphi so that we can think about Callum in the sort of places he loved to be. It all feels very healthy and we are coping okay.
So far I haven't felt like sitting in front of a computer too much. But I hope to be back blogging on Monday.
Mrs MadPriest has read all your kind comments and promises that, as soon she can do so without too many tears, she will pop her blogging cherry and write a few words to thank you guys.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Friday, 16 July 2010
LOUD FRIDAY
I'm not one for listening to melancholy songs when I have the blues. I prefer to blow the blues right out of my head with rock 'n' roll. Maybe that's because I do anger much better than I do sad. So, even though I have a feeling Callum would have preferred ABBA and The Carpenters to anything in this selection of tunes, I have pulled out all the stops for this week's Loud Friday mash up. It's a Detroit special and the emphasis is definitely on the noisy. My favourite is the Iggy Pop tune, "Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell," known nowadays as "The Sarah Palin Song."
Kick Out The Jams - MC5
1969 - The Stooges
Eighteen - Alice Cooper
Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl? - The Dogs
Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell - Iggy Pop
You're Gonna Die - Destroy All Monsters
Punk Rock Girl - The Sillies
Start The Party - The Dirtbombs
Fell In Love With A Girl - The White Stripes
Police Brutality - Necros
Kremlin Crime - Disgust
Get Out Alive - Rogues
Ya Ya Ya (Looking For My Baby) - The Detroit Cobras
Panic In Detroit - David Bowie
Thursday, 15 July 2010
SON OF AKINOLA - LET'S NOT DO THE OKOH NOKOH!
From THE EPISCOPAL NEWS SERVICE:
Anglican Archbishop Nicholas Okoh of Nigeria told reporters at a July 14 press conference that "same-sex marriage, pedophilia and all sexual pervasions [sic] should be roundly condemned."
Okoh was giving his maiden press conference about the state of the church and nation when he accused the "church in the West [for using] their money to spread the homosexual lifestyle in African societies and churches; after all Africa is poor."
He said western churches “are pursuing this agenda vigorously and what is more, they now have the support of the United Nations. We therefore call on parents to ensure that their children obtain their first degree in Nigeria before travelling abroad. Parents and guardians should closely watch and monitor the relationship which their children or wards keep so that deviant behavior could be timely corrected. The sin of homosexuality, it must be re-emphasized, destroyed the communities of Sodom and Gomorrah."
COMMENT: Well, I suggest that when this Biblically illiterate bigot eventually gets round to studying for his first degree in theology, he attends a university somewhere where there is at least some regard for academic integrity and for those embarrassing (for evangelicals) little things normal people call "facts."
Anglican Archbishop Nicholas Okoh of Nigeria told reporters at a July 14 press conference that "same-sex marriage, pedophilia and all sexual pervasions [sic] should be roundly condemned."
Okoh was giving his maiden press conference about the state of the church and nation when he accused the "church in the West [for using] their money to spread the homosexual lifestyle in African societies and churches; after all Africa is poor."
He said western churches “are pursuing this agenda vigorously and what is more, they now have the support of the United Nations. We therefore call on parents to ensure that their children obtain their first degree in Nigeria before travelling abroad. Parents and guardians should closely watch and monitor the relationship which their children or wards keep so that deviant behavior could be timely corrected. The sin of homosexuality, it must be re-emphasized, destroyed the communities of Sodom and Gomorrah."
COMMENT: Well, I suggest that when this Biblically illiterate bigot eventually gets round to studying for his first degree in theology, he attends a university somewhere where there is at least some regard for academic integrity and for those embarrassing (for evangelicals) little things normal people call "facts."
THE OUTRUNNER HALL OF FAME
Hapennywoods Wild Calamint
10th. March 1996 to 14th. July 2010
A good dog - May he rest in peace
Today we said goodbye to Callum. There were tears a-plenty and there will be more later. But it was the right time for his passing.
Callum was Jane's "once in a lifetime" dog. He was a gentle and loving giant of a border collie, always willing to please and always at Jane's side. He was the first dog she trained and competed with seriously and the partnership got almost to the very top of the Obedience world. When Callum was in his prime, you couldn't see the paint on the hallway wall as it was covered with rosettes. We had to buy a cabinet just for his trophies.
That Callum made it to over fourteen years is a miracle. From a puppy he was plagued with various illnesses that required surgery and long treatment. Jane jokes that his insurance paid for the brand new hospital our vets built a couple of years ago. Two and a half years ago we were told he only had 24 hours to live and that we should have him put to sleep. We knew they were wrong (doggie people know such things instinctively) and, sure enough, the following day he was running around the garden like a puppy. So we are so grateful that we had those extra years with him and both Callum and ourselves thoroughly enjoyed them.
But there is one thing above else that I owe that dog big time for. I truly believe that the chances of myself and Jane getting through my illness as a couple, all those years ago, would have been far, far lower if Callum hadn't been there as a faithful and constant friend for Jane when I was in hospital and she was having to cope with everything on her own (there being, unsurprisingly, no help forthcoming from the Church).
His strength in the face of adversity made us strong. We will survive our bereavement to a large extent because of the example of our big, handsome boy.
God be with you, Callum, old friend.
You are going to be one of his favourites.
10th. March 1996 to 14th. July 2010
A good dog - May he rest in peace
Callum was Jane's "once in a lifetime" dog. He was a gentle and loving giant of a border collie, always willing to please and always at Jane's side. He was the first dog she trained and competed with seriously and the partnership got almost to the very top of the Obedience world. When Callum was in his prime, you couldn't see the paint on the hallway wall as it was covered with rosettes. We had to buy a cabinet just for his trophies.
That Callum made it to over fourteen years is a miracle. From a puppy he was plagued with various illnesses that required surgery and long treatment. Jane jokes that his insurance paid for the brand new hospital our vets built a couple of years ago. Two and a half years ago we were told he only had 24 hours to live and that we should have him put to sleep. We knew they were wrong (doggie people know such things instinctively) and, sure enough, the following day he was running around the garden like a puppy. So we are so grateful that we had those extra years with him and both Callum and ourselves thoroughly enjoyed them.
But there is one thing above else that I owe that dog big time for. I truly believe that the chances of myself and Jane getting through my illness as a couple, all those years ago, would have been far, far lower if Callum hadn't been there as a faithful and constant friend for Jane when I was in hospital and she was having to cope with everything on her own (there being, unsurprisingly, no help forthcoming from the Church).
His strength in the face of adversity made us strong. We will survive our bereavement to a large extent because of the example of our big, handsome boy.
God be with you, Callum, old friend.
You are going to be one of his favourites.
THE SOPPY SHEILA SELECTION
Based solely on a virtual friendship and a rather grainy blog photo taken well over 20 years ago, this is how I imagine our very own soppy sheila (Cathy) if she was a dog.
WOMEN BISHOPS - IT'S GOING TO BE
VLAD THE IMPALER ALL OVER AGAIN!
It's worse than I ever imagined. This is a real headline from a Jonathan Petre article in The Telegraph:
To be fair to the headline writer, he or she is quoting an obliging church "insider" predicting, before the event, that the vote in Synod would result in the streets of York running red with the blood of the delegates. That "insider" must have been disappointed when Armageddon didn't break out in the chamber and, I have to admit, so am I (just a teeny weeny bit). It would have gone viral on YouTube.
To be fair to the headline writer, he or she is quoting an obliging church "insider" predicting, before the event, that the vote in Synod would result in the streets of York running red with the blood of the delegates. That "insider" must have been disappointed when Armageddon didn't break out in the chamber and, I have to admit, so am I (just a teeny weeny bit). It would have gone viral on YouTube.
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
MADPRIEST'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Having seen the lives of so many ordinary, good people ruined by it, I have come to the conclusion that, after rape, the most harm you can do to another person is to make them redundant. If the churches of the world really want to do some something to strengthen the institution of marriage they should preach against this casual evil, now endemic throughout the world, as it screws up relationships and takes children away from parents more effectively than anything else other than, maybe, sexual unfaithfulness. Yet, although the churches, without any proof to back their claims, are prepared to condemn same sex love as being the cause of the weakening of heterosexual marriage, you rarely hear a preacher condemning the discarding of human livelihood, worth, health and happiness by the hatchet men of capitalism. This failure to condemn is rendered even more evil and downright blasphemous by the fact that the prophets and the lawmakers of the Old Testament made it patently obvious, over and over again, that the welfare of servant and worker was right up near the top of the list of stuff considered extremely important by God.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
MUSLIM TRANSVESTITES VOW
TO FIGHT NEW FRENCH LAW
From THE BBC:
France's lower house of parliament has overwhelmingly approved a bill that would ban wearing the Islamic full veil in public. There were 335 votes for the bill and only one against in the 557-seat National Assembly. It must now be ratified by the Senate in September to become law.
President Nicolas Sarkozy has backed the ban as part of a wider debate on French identity but critics say the government is pandering to far-right voters.
France's lower house of parliament has overwhelmingly approved a bill that would ban wearing the Islamic full veil in public. There were 335 votes for the bill and only one against in the 557-seat National Assembly. It must now be ratified by the Senate in September to become law.
President Nicolas Sarkozy has backed the ban as part of a wider debate on French identity but critics say the government is pandering to far-right voters.
DON'T BLAME MADPRIEST, BLAME ELLIE
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."
In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."
In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
THE SOPPY SHEILA SELECTION
From THE BBC:
It is an unusual romance, to say the least. He is made of flesh, blood and shell while she is constructed entirely out of plastic. But after years of heartache, Timmy the tortoise seems to have found some sort of comfort by teaming up with Tanya the plastic toy tortoise. Timmy, a Hermann's tortoise (Testudo hermanni), appears to dote on Tanya night and day.
The sanctuary's owner, Joy Bloor, said: "I tried introducing him to other tortoises but they don't seem to like him and bully and fight with him. I put the plastic toy in his pen with him and now they are inseparable. He nuzzles and kisses her, moves her around and pushes lettuce towards her. He plays with her every day. If I want him to go into his hut at night time I have to put Tanya in there first, otherwise he won't go.
COMMENT: I believe you can get a similar sort of thing for human males. If you decide to purchase one please use Amazon, as I will then get commission.
Thanks to THE Soppy Sheila for sending
this story in to MadPriest Towers.
It is an unusual romance, to say the least. He is made of flesh, blood and shell while she is constructed entirely out of plastic. But after years of heartache, Timmy the tortoise seems to have found some sort of comfort by teaming up with Tanya the plastic toy tortoise. Timmy, a Hermann's tortoise (Testudo hermanni), appears to dote on Tanya night and day.
The sanctuary's owner, Joy Bloor, said: "I tried introducing him to other tortoises but they don't seem to like him and bully and fight with him. I put the plastic toy in his pen with him and now they are inseparable. He nuzzles and kisses her, moves her around and pushes lettuce towards her. He plays with her every day. If I want him to go into his hut at night time I have to put Tanya in there first, otherwise he won't go.
COMMENT: I believe you can get a similar sort of thing for human males. If you decide to purchase one please use Amazon, as I will then get commission.
Thanks to THE Soppy Sheila for sending
this story in to MadPriest Towers.
WHAT DID THE 1980S EVER DO FOR US?
Welcome everybody to the launch of a brand new feature here at Of Course, I Could Be Wrong...
What I want from you are your suggestions of stuff from that most cringeworthy decade, the 1980s, that could actually be regarded by right-minded people, such as ourselves, as a "good thing." It can be anything - music, film, books, people, news events etc. etc.
You can give me your nominations via email or by commenting on the threads. You stand more chance of having your suggestions posted if they come with an explanation of why you consider them worthy of inclusion.
To get things going I offer up the music of Pete Wylie and his band Wah! along with the international, and eventually successful, campaign to free Nelson Mandela.
Monday, 12 July 2010
BABES AHOY!!!
From THE BBC:
The Church of England's ruling synod has decided that women bishops should be allowed. Members decided there was no need for further delay to the progress of a draft law allowing women to be made bishops. Minimal concessions have been given to traditionalist Anglicans who opposed the move.
They had sought exemptions from serving under women bishops and guaranteed access to a male alternative. But the synod decided women bishops should be able to decide the identity of any bishop entering their dioceses. They would also have the ability to dictate the functions these bishops could carry out. Women bishops would have only to consult a code of practice guiding them in their dealings with traditionalists.
The Archbishops of Canterbury and York backed a failed compromise plan.
Although supporters were celebrating a breakthrough, some traditionalists had left the synod chamber in tears.
COMMENT: Altogether now...
SUCK IT UP!!!
The Church of England's ruling synod has decided that women bishops should be allowed. Members decided there was no need for further delay to the progress of a draft law allowing women to be made bishops. Minimal concessions have been given to traditionalist Anglicans who opposed the move.
They had sought exemptions from serving under women bishops and guaranteed access to a male alternative. But the synod decided women bishops should be able to decide the identity of any bishop entering their dioceses. They would also have the ability to dictate the functions these bishops could carry out. Women bishops would have only to consult a code of practice guiding them in their dealings with traditionalists.
The Archbishops of Canterbury and York backed a failed compromise plan.
Although supporters were celebrating a breakthrough, some traditionalists had left the synod chamber in tears.
COMMENT: Altogether now...
SUCK IT UP!!!
URGENT PRAYER REQUEST
From David | Dah•veed:
I am quietly in Dallas having lab tests and other exams regarding problems and weirdness with my liver. Possibly a result of the chemical poisoning I experienced with the toxic fruit a little over a year ago.
COMMENT: Shouldn't someone notify the border patrol?
Hands together and fingers crossed for our good friend, El Mexicano. May he back to full health as quickly as an English football team can get knocked out the World Cup. We need him in full working order - he's the only person round here who knows how these computer thingies actually work!
I am quietly in Dallas having lab tests and other exams regarding problems and weirdness with my liver. Possibly a result of the chemical poisoning I experienced with the toxic fruit a little over a year ago.
COMMENT: Shouldn't someone notify the border patrol?
Hands together and fingers crossed for our good friend, El Mexicano. May he back to full health as quickly as an English football team can get knocked out the World Cup. We need him in full working order - he's the only person round here who knows how these computer thingies actually work!
THE BIG ONE
I have come up with an absolutely brilliant idea for an Internet project that could make the local church relevant to the unchurched, serve them in their time of most need and bring them into the church community. For full details visit CHIN WAG. (Details of how to gain access can be found in the right hand sidebar).
EQUALITY IS LIKE ABORTION SAYS SENTAMU
At the General Synod, the Bishop of York, has, allegedly, just likened the Equality Act to the Abortion Act - and not as a positive comparison. This follows on from his recent assertion that women couldn't raise children on their own.
Sentamu was once the darling token black man of the political left and was always being called on to make white people feel guilty about the racism of a few fascist, London chavs. Like so many from his ethnic background he has revealed himself to be, in too many ways, more bigoted, tribalistic and unenlightened than even a member of the BNP would be comfortable with. Unfortunately, as in the case of the Californian vote on same sex marriage, his (self) righteous conservatism does more harm to the race equality cause than every far right activist joined together could ever hope to achieve.
Sentamu was once the darling token black man of the political left and was always being called on to make white people feel guilty about the racism of a few fascist, London chavs. Like so many from his ethnic background he has revealed himself to be, in too many ways, more bigoted, tribalistic and unenlightened than even a member of the BNP would be comfortable with. Unfortunately, as in the case of the Californian vote on same sex marriage, his (self) righteous conservatism does more harm to the race equality cause than every far right activist joined together could ever hope to achieve.
DON'T BLAME MADPRIEST, BLAME GREG
Dear MP,
In the midst of all the shades of brown at present, I heard this recently in a sermon:
A priest was preaching in a school in Ireland; his text the parable of the good Samaritan. As he went through the parable, he asked the children why they thought the priest and the Levite passed the injured man on the other side of the road, instead of going to help him. One enthusiastic young boy put up his hand: "because they could see he had already been mugged, Father".
Well it made me laugh, anyway.
Best wishes
Greg
In the midst of all the shades of brown at present, I heard this recently in a sermon:
A priest was preaching in a school in Ireland; his text the parable of the good Samaritan. As he went through the parable, he asked the children why they thought the priest and the Levite passed the injured man on the other side of the road, instead of going to help him. One enthusiastic young boy put up his hand: "because they could see he had already been mugged, Father".
Well it made me laugh, anyway.
Best wishes
Greg
Sunday, 11 July 2010
THE OUTRUNNER HALL OF FAME
Posted by IT atTHE FRIENDS OF JAKE
on 6th. July 2010:
My parents got their first giant breed dog when I was 16 and their last when I was 35. I mark to you the passing of their beloved Dante, who was a rescue Newfoundland. A wild-eyed yearling when they got him, he aged into the calm elegance of the breed, a true gentle giant with nothing but love in his great heart which finally stopped last night at the venerable age of 12.
For a proper appreciation of this noble creature go read our friend's post in full.
WRIST ACTION DOWN UNDER
LEADS TO LEGAL ACTION
From THE SYDNEY MORNING HERALD:
In March 2007, during a personal development class at Broughton Anglican College, in Menangle Park, a rap song with explicit lyrics and adult themes was played to year 10 students. One of the boys present, Charles Bird, then 15, was thrown out of the class for allegedly making "inappropriate gestures of masturbation." The student insisted he was only impersonating an opera singer, but was expelled from the college.
He is suing the Campbelltown Anglican Schools Council for negligence, arguing that students should not have been allowed to dance, sing and play music containing bad language and sexual innuendo. ''The effect of the teacher permitting the activities … was to make students within the class boisterous, ill behaved and out of teacher control,'' his statement of claim, filed in the District Court, says. Mr Bird claims there was no justification for his expulsion and that he suffered psychological shock, anxiety and depression and disruption to his academic career.
COMMENT: I think they should have sacked Bruce from the Department of Personal Development, not the lad. In my day making a wanker sign in class might have resulted in a "good" caning. But no way would a schoolboy have been expelled for being childish. And when our schoolmasters presented adult themes in lessons it was invariably they that made the crude comments first. In fact, that's about all I can remember from the classes I attended on Shakespeare's plays.
You know, Devo were right about everything. We are going backwards at an alarming speed, and will soon be wearing puritan garb and burning witches again.
Enlightenment.
What Enlightenment?
In March 2007, during a personal development class at Broughton Anglican College, in Menangle Park, a rap song with explicit lyrics and adult themes was played to year 10 students. One of the boys present, Charles Bird, then 15, was thrown out of the class for allegedly making "inappropriate gestures of masturbation." The student insisted he was only impersonating an opera singer, but was expelled from the college.
He is suing the Campbelltown Anglican Schools Council for negligence, arguing that students should not have been allowed to dance, sing and play music containing bad language and sexual innuendo. ''The effect of the teacher permitting the activities … was to make students within the class boisterous, ill behaved and out of teacher control,'' his statement of claim, filed in the District Court, says. Mr Bird claims there was no justification for his expulsion and that he suffered psychological shock, anxiety and depression and disruption to his academic career.
COMMENT: I think they should have sacked Bruce from the Department of Personal Development, not the lad. In my day making a wanker sign in class might have resulted in a "good" caning. But no way would a schoolboy have been expelled for being childish. And when our schoolmasters presented adult themes in lessons it was invariably they that made the crude comments first. In fact, that's about all I can remember from the classes I attended on Shakespeare's plays.
You know, Devo were right about everything. We are going backwards at an alarming speed, and will soon be wearing puritan garb and burning witches again.Enlightenment.
What Enlightenment?
HEADLINE OF THE DAY
From REUTERS:
Tired and he still held out for 200 metres?!
Probably just bi-curious if you ask me.
Thanks to ePiscopallooza for sending in this gem.
Tired and he still held out for 200 metres?!
Probably just bi-curious if you ask me.
Thanks to ePiscopallooza for sending in this gem.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
"I believe that we are all made in the image and likeness of God. I believe that each of us is infinitely precious to God. I believe that each of us has the capacity to live out of that recognition, or to turn our backs on that recognition. And I believe that if we really recognize how essentially -- at essence, at core, at heart -- how essentially beautiful we are, we would have a world that looks so much more like the world we yearn for."
(The Rev. Mpho Tutu, THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER)
(The Rev. Mpho Tutu, THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER)
DON'T BLAME MADPRIEST, BLAME ELLIE
A nun walked into Mother Superior’s office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’
‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’
‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !’
‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!
”No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’
‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said… ‘You missed the fecking putt, didn’t you?’
***
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.
A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. A hobby of some sort would certainly help me resist temptation."
So his wife sent him back a harmonica, saying, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually, his tour of duty came to and end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling," he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
She kissed him and said, "First, let's see you play that harmonica."
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’
‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’
‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !’
‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!
”No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’
‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said… ‘You missed the fecking putt, didn’t you?’
***
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.
A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. A hobby of some sort would certainly help me resist temptation."
So his wife sent him back a harmonica, saying, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually, his tour of duty came to and end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling," he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
She kissed him and said, "First, let's see you play that harmonica."
SANCTIFY
From THE BBC:
A bid by two of the Church of England's most senior clerics to avert a split over women bishops has narrowly failed. A general synod vote went against compromise proposals, offering safeguards for objectors, put by the Archbishops of Canterbury and York. They were backed by a majority of the houses of bishops and laity, but not of the House of Clergy, meaning they fell.
The Archbishop of York earlier urged an end to the "spin and propaganda" against the Archbishop of Canterbury. Before the vote Dr Sentamu told the general synod of the Church of England "enough is enough" over the "general disregard for truth" about Dr Williams. He said he was "deeply saddened" that there was not only a "general disregard for the truth, but a rapacious appetite for 'carelessness'." He said this was "compounded by spin, propaganda and the resort to misleading opinions paraded as fact, regarding a remarkable, gifted and much-maligned Christian leader I call a dear friend and trusted colleague - one Rowan Williams".
Hopefully certain people in York are waking up this morning with a long overdue realisation that "trinity" means "three" and that the Holy Spirit is a real and irresistible divine person and not just some sort of recreational drug for puritans needing an excuse to let it all hang out. Should certain people in York still need a theological explanation for the potency of the Holy Spirit I suggest a reading of the following may suffice. It is by Charles Gore and is taken from the preface to "Lux Mundi" (1889). I am indebted to Sheila for posting it on Chin Wag a couple of weeks ago.
"This is to say that theology must take a new development. We grudge the name development, on the one hand, to anything which fails to preserve the type of the Christian Creed and the Christian Church ; for development is not innovation, it is not heresy : on the other hand, we cannot recognise as the true 'development of Christian doctrine,' a movement which means merely an intensification of a current tendency from within, a narrowing and hardening of theology by simply giving it greater definiteness or multiplying its dogmas. The real development of theology is rather the process in which the Church, standing firm in her old truths, enters into the apprehension of the new social and intellectual movements of each age : and because 'the truth makes her free' is able to assimilate all new material, to welcome and give its place to all new knowledge, to throw herself into the sanctification of each new social order, bringing forth out of her treasures things new and old, and shewing again and again her power of witnessing under changed conditions to the catholic capacity of her faith and life."
A bid by two of the Church of England's most senior clerics to avert a split over women bishops has narrowly failed. A general synod vote went against compromise proposals, offering safeguards for objectors, put by the Archbishops of Canterbury and York. They were backed by a majority of the houses of bishops and laity, but not of the House of Clergy, meaning they fell.
The Archbishop of York earlier urged an end to the "spin and propaganda" against the Archbishop of Canterbury. Before the vote Dr Sentamu told the general synod of the Church of England "enough is enough" over the "general disregard for truth" about Dr Williams. He said he was "deeply saddened" that there was not only a "general disregard for the truth, but a rapacious appetite for 'carelessness'." He said this was "compounded by spin, propaganda and the resort to misleading opinions paraded as fact, regarding a remarkable, gifted and much-maligned Christian leader I call a dear friend and trusted colleague - one Rowan Williams".
Hopefully certain people in York are waking up this morning with a long overdue realisation that "trinity" means "three" and that the Holy Spirit is a real and irresistible divine person and not just some sort of recreational drug for puritans needing an excuse to let it all hang out. Should certain people in York still need a theological explanation for the potency of the Holy Spirit I suggest a reading of the following may suffice. It is by Charles Gore and is taken from the preface to "Lux Mundi" (1889). I am indebted to Sheila for posting it on Chin Wag a couple of weeks ago.
"This is to say that theology must take a new development. We grudge the name development, on the one hand, to anything which fails to preserve the type of the Christian Creed and the Christian Church ; for development is not innovation, it is not heresy : on the other hand, we cannot recognise as the true 'development of Christian doctrine,' a movement which means merely an intensification of a current tendency from within, a narrowing and hardening of theology by simply giving it greater definiteness or multiplying its dogmas. The real development of theology is rather the process in which the Church, standing firm in her old truths, enters into the apprehension of the new social and intellectual movements of each age : and because 'the truth makes her free' is able to assimilate all new material, to welcome and give its place to all new knowledge, to throw herself into the sanctification of each new social order, bringing forth out of her treasures things new and old, and shewing again and again her power of witnessing under changed conditions to the catholic capacity of her faith and life."
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