From THE REGISTER:
A 92-year-old Florida woman refused a kiss by her 53-year-old neighbour responded by pumping four rounds from a semi-automatic pistol into his house. Helen Staudinger took a bit of a shine to Dwight Bettner after he moved into a rented pad six months ago.
The former law enforcement officer and boilermaker told Marion County Sheriff's deputies that Staudinger had previously threatened to shoot him when he told her he had a girlfriend.
She "didn't follow through" on that occasion, but things got a bit livelier on Monday when she turned up at his house and refused to leave.
According to Bettner, she said: "I want a kiss before I leave."
He declined, telling the amorous nonagenarian to to take hike.
Shortly after, while he was on the phone to his dad, Bettner heard shots. One round went through a window, "spraying him with glass".
The pistol-packing granny had also fired at his new Mitsubishi 3000GT.
The Mimivirus pandemic (more commonly known as "feisty old bird flu") spreads through the internet tubes. There is no known cure.
Between this and the guy who beat the crap out of his girlfriend with their pet gator who lived in their bathtub (because said girlfriend would not go and buy the guy more beer and he was too drunk to drive), I do have moments where I wonder what kind of redneck state I moved to back in 1991.
ReplyDeleteFirst the redheads, now the rednecks. Poor old Florida.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the rednecks came first.
ReplyDeleteNo, Paul. The Vikings were there first and they introduced the red hair gene into the Americas.
ReplyDeleteMP, be nice to Mimi!
ReplyDeleteBut, Whiteycat, I am. I implied that she was feisty. That's a compliment. Anyway it's all Clumber's fault which you will already know if you have been paying attention.
ReplyDeleteHold your dog biscuits! I merely pointed out to MP that a giant virus had been found with the name "Mimivirus". I had no idea, none I tell you, that it would be used in any way, shape, or form to call Mimi feisty!
ReplyDeleteBlessing to all you bipeds,
+clumber
W.V. - kaffight, which is pretty close to catfight, and might even be how some people up in the hills pronounce it.
I see that Clumber has no culpability in this matter. How was he to know that the Mad One would use the information in such a nefarious manner?
ReplyDeleteHe is a very bad dog.
ReplyDeleteVikings may have been first in the British world, MP, but the rednecks beat them to Florida.
ReplyDeletewv = oster
(rednecks are a blend)
Paul, you have demonstrated many times in the past how insufficient your knowledge of american history is. Why you continue to contradict experts like myself is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteOf course, going right back it was the English who first discovered Florida. They made their way along the edge of the North Atlantic ice shelf and then headed south at about the same time that the Mongolians made it to Alaska. Then, towards the end of the first millennium A.D. the Vikings arrived followed quickly by the Welsh. Then the Knights Templar paid a visit. All this was many years before those Spanish rednecks caught the ferry across.
Sometimes, Paul, I doubt that you watch the Discovery channel at all.
You left Jesus and his Uncle Joseph of Arimathea out of your narration MP. . .
ReplyDeleteVW = cosericr the English pronunciation of Costa Rico(which I'm sure you will say is the correct one)
Susie Sue, Jesus and his Uncle Joseph of Arimathea never went to America. If you had paid attention at school you would know that Jesus sent his pet Raven who converted the eskimos.
ReplyDeleteIt's like banging your head against a brick wall with you lot sometimes.
Ah, but MP, obviously you have not read American history either. . . I have it on the authority of no less than The Book of Mormon that Christ visited “other sheep"(John 10:16) in the Americas after He was resurrected, teaching the same message to the Nephites that He taught to the people of Israel.
ReplyDeleteSusan, "The Book Of Mormon" isn't history. Some bloke made it up. When there is a programme about how Jesus really visited America on the Discovery Channel then I might believe it. But that isn't going to happen because us and the Jews run the media.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember THIS about the redheads.
ReplyDelete:evil grin: