The vicar smiled, leaned forward, sucking air through his teeth, and muttered, "Too late, pal, the paperwork's done."
Saturday, 9 June 2012
DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME MAD DAD
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden's funeral a voice from inside screamed, "I'm not dead, let me out!"
The vicar smiled, leaned forward, sucking air through his teeth, and muttered, "Too late, pal, the paperwork's done."
The vicar smiled, leaned forward, sucking air through his teeth, and muttered, "Too late, pal, the paperwork's done."
GOING TO THE GO GO
Dave Lee, a.k.a. Joey Negro's compilations are almost always excellent value for money. They are usually a mixture of one or two classics and a whole load of rare tracks that should have become classics. He's old school in his tastes and picks songs which are melodic and based on complex and interesting rhythms. His latest release, from which the following tracks are taken, is possibly his most stunning collection yet. It concentrates on the Washington D.C. GoGo scene which went big for a while in the mid-eighties. It was a musical form that mixed up funk, soul and jazz in the same way that August Darnell had done earlier with Kid Creole and the Coconuts. There were elements of rap in some of the songs but the banality of its non-melodic delivery was always overshadowed by the exciting rhythms laid down by the real live, backing musicians and singers. The scene didn't last long probably because it cost so much to keep the large groups on the road and at the time record companies were well on their way to reducing their production costs to paying pocket money to a geek in front of his computer in his bedroom and a fat, black twenty-something who could manage to grunt "Uh!" into a microphone and who didn't need paying much because his living expenses were well covered by his day job in the pharma distribution industry.
Anyway, put on your dancin' shoes, press play and get up, get on down!
Who Comes To Boogie - Little Benny And The Masters (below)
War (On The Bull Shit!) - Osiris
Feel It - The Mighty Peacemakers
Back It On Up - Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers
PURCHASE FROM AMAZON USA
PURCHASE FROM AMAZON UK
OCICBW...'S POET LAUREATE
ON INFIDELITY
There once was a Reverend who found
There are prettier women around;
Well we all know that's true
But we don't all go do
What we want, if we're feeling spellbound.
(Boaz)
Friday, 8 June 2012
GOING SOUTH
From SLATE:
They’ve got religion, and that’s why South Korea is getting rid of evolution in textbooks. The move is the result of a successful campaign led by creationist group Society for Textbook Revise, which has been calling for the "error" of information about animals’ evolution to be excluded from high school textbooks. Publishers have obliged, according to Korea's Minister of Education Science and Technology. The group’s next target? Removing information about the evolution of man from textbooks. Nearly one-third of South Koreans don't believe in evolution.
They’ve got religion, and that’s why South Korea is getting rid of evolution in textbooks. The move is the result of a successful campaign led by creationist group Society for Textbook Revise, which has been calling for the "error" of information about animals’ evolution to be excluded from high school textbooks. Publishers have obliged, according to Korea's Minister of Education Science and Technology. The group’s next target? Removing information about the evolution of man from textbooks. Nearly one-third of South Koreans don't believe in evolution.
THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND
AND ITS DIVORCED VICARS
In a comment on my post I'M HAVING TROUBLE BEING SYMPATHETIC, my good friend, Klady (from the USA) states that, "Until fairly recently, a priest who divorced (or even was divorced), even with little or no "fault," had to leave his parish and possibly be unemployed or underemployed for some time."
This situation has definitely changed now in England although getting married to someone else after being divorced can still be problematic (the ease of doing so being dependent on the beliefs and personality of the divorcee's bishop). In fact, some bishops lean over backwards to help clergy ditch their spouses.
The nearest I ever came to being offered a vicar's post in Newcastle was when I went for the job of vicar of the two parishes of St. Hilda and St. Aidan near Whitley Bay. The representatives of St. Aidan's were in favour of my appointment but the reps of the "stronger" parish of St. Hilda decided that they wanted another candidate to get the job and they persuaded their colleagues at St. Aidan to back down.
The priest who got the job was a woman. As she was married to the vicar of a church nearby I asked the rural dean, Geoff Miller, what was going to happen to the vicarage in the parish where she was going to work. He told me that she was going to live there. So I said, "So her husband is moving to the vicarage with his wife?" "No," he replied. "They will be living in sparate houses from now on."
Of course, the two priests involved were academic types who were close to the Bishop of Newcastle, but it still went to show how much things had moved on when it came to priests separating from their spouses. The Bishop of Newcastle (who personally oversaw and was present at the interviews) was much happier to employ a priest going through a divorce than a priest who had suffered from, but recovered from, depression ten years previously.
This situation has definitely changed now in England although getting married to someone else after being divorced can still be problematic (the ease of doing so being dependent on the beliefs and personality of the divorcee's bishop). In fact, some bishops lean over backwards to help clergy ditch their spouses.
The nearest I ever came to being offered a vicar's post in Newcastle was when I went for the job of vicar of the two parishes of St. Hilda and St. Aidan near Whitley Bay. The representatives of St. Aidan's were in favour of my appointment but the reps of the "stronger" parish of St. Hilda decided that they wanted another candidate to get the job and they persuaded their colleagues at St. Aidan to back down.
The priest who got the job was a woman. As she was married to the vicar of a church nearby I asked the rural dean, Geoff Miller, what was going to happen to the vicarage in the parish where she was going to work. He told me that she was going to live there. So I said, "So her husband is moving to the vicarage with his wife?" "No," he replied. "They will be living in sparate houses from now on."
Of course, the two priests involved were academic types who were close to the Bishop of Newcastle, but it still went to show how much things had moved on when it came to priests separating from their spouses. The Bishop of Newcastle (who personally oversaw and was present at the interviews) was much happier to employ a priest going through a divorce than a priest who had suffered from, but recovered from, depression ten years previously.
CARDINAL SIN MEETS CARDINAL ERROR
From IRISH CENTRAL:
Cardinal Timothy Dolan reportedly agreed that the priests accused of sex abuse should be paid $20,000 in exchange for leaving the priesthood. Abuse victims advocate group Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests (SNAP) recently published a document from the archdiocese's bankruptcy proceedings that made reference to a proposal to pay up to $20,000 to priests accused of sex abuse who renounce their priesthood.
'SNAP has no credibility whatsoever,' Dolan scoffed. 'To respond to charges like that that are groundless and scurrilous in my book is useless and counterproductive.'
The organization hit back saying Dolan was covering up a major scandal.
Bribery and corruption then. Going down?
Cardinal Timothy Dolan reportedly agreed that the priests accused of sex abuse should be paid $20,000 in exchange for leaving the priesthood. Abuse victims advocate group Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests (SNAP) recently published a document from the archdiocese's bankruptcy proceedings that made reference to a proposal to pay up to $20,000 to priests accused of sex abuse who renounce their priesthood.
'SNAP has no credibility whatsoever,' Dolan scoffed. 'To respond to charges like that that are groundless and scurrilous in my book is useless and counterproductive.'
The organization hit back saying Dolan was covering up a major scandal.
Bribery and corruption then. Going down?
FATHER KNOWS BEST
Father Phil Ritchie of Hove, East Sussex, advised his congregation not to go to church on Easter Day and suggested that they stay at home, have a lie in, have sex and eat some chocolate.
You see, you lot! I told you it was nothing to feel guilty about.
You see, you lot! I told you it was nothing to feel guilty about.
Thursday, 7 June 2012
THE ROMAN CATHOLIC PARTY OF THE USA
(REPUBLICAN AND TEA PARTY AFFILIATED)
SPENDS YOUR TAX ON GETTING RID OF OBAMA
The Catholic Church may begin circulating a video urging followers to vote against marriage equality, abortion rights, and health care policy.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE BEING SYMPATHETIC
I do not condemn people who get divorced. Shit happens.
I do not condemn people who get divorced and then meet someone new and remarry. Quite the contrary. No matter what Jesus was supposed to have said about this matter, I would encourage such people to find love again.
I do not condemn people who shack up with other people without getting married although I believe that they are missing out on something that can be truly wonderful and fulfilling.
I do not condemn people who get divorced and then meet someone new and shack up together (see above).
But I do condemn married people who engage in long term extra-marital affairs, keeping them secret from their spouses. It is betrayal. It is dishonest. It is cowardly. It is all of these things even when the two people involved are very much in love with each other.
I also condemn blogging anonymously.
Two sides of the same coin, if you ask me.
See also THE TELEGRAPH.
Anne Alcock, a deanery lay chairperson, her rural dean and a so-called assistant rural dean, stopped me getting a post in Ipswich that I really, really wanted because I would not say that I would put the deanery's agenda before that of the parish church I was hoping to serve. I had to be interviewed by these three separate to my interview with the Archdeacon and parish represents (an interview that went quite well even though I am abysmal at interviews). I know for a fact that it was the deanery party, especially the rural dean (who appeared to both Mrs MP and myself to be arrogant and power crazy) who persuaded the parish representatives not to offer me the post even though we had all had a wonderful time together at the previous evening's informal get together. It was the second most disappointing day of my life. The first was not getting the Black Isle job.
As I say, I'm having trouble feeling sympathetic for anybody involved in this story except the wife and the congregation. I know what it's like to be betrayed by a man of the cloth. It fecking hurts.
I do not condemn people who get divorced and then meet someone new and remarry. Quite the contrary. No matter what Jesus was supposed to have said about this matter, I would encourage such people to find love again.
I do not condemn people who shack up with other people without getting married although I believe that they are missing out on something that can be truly wonderful and fulfilling.
I do not condemn people who get divorced and then meet someone new and shack up together (see above).
But I do condemn married people who engage in long term extra-marital affairs, keeping them secret from their spouses. It is betrayal. It is dishonest. It is cowardly. It is all of these things even when the two people involved are very much in love with each other.
I also condemn blogging anonymously.
Two sides of the same coin, if you ask me.
See also THE TELEGRAPH.
Anne Alcock, a deanery lay chairperson, her rural dean and a so-called assistant rural dean, stopped me getting a post in Ipswich that I really, really wanted because I would not say that I would put the deanery's agenda before that of the parish church I was hoping to serve. I had to be interviewed by these three separate to my interview with the Archdeacon and parish represents (an interview that went quite well even though I am abysmal at interviews). I know for a fact that it was the deanery party, especially the rural dean (who appeared to both Mrs MP and myself to be arrogant and power crazy) who persuaded the parish representatives not to offer me the post even though we had all had a wonderful time together at the previous evening's informal get together. It was the second most disappointing day of my life. The first was not getting the Black Isle job.
As I say, I'm having trouble feeling sympathetic for anybody involved in this story except the wife and the congregation. I know what it's like to be betrayed by a man of the cloth. It fecking hurts.
THEFT IN THE CATHEDRAL
From CHRISTIAN TODAY:
A series of senseless thefts have cast a shadow over the Diamond Jubilee celebrations of St Nicholas Cathedral in Newcastle. The cathedral opened a floral exhibition and put on several musical performances and a fashion show over the holiday weekend to celebrate the Queen’s 60-year reign. However, cathedral officials have been left disappointed by the theft of items from the floral exhibits, including military medals, map making instruments and a vintage flying scarf.
The Rev Canon Sheila Bamber described the thefts as “outrageous”.
“These displays were designed to be part of the celebration of a great occasion in our nation’s life and stealing from them is a wanton act of selfishness and blatant disregard for anyone else. I simply can't understand what makes anyone stoop so low as to steal items that have very little monetary value but to their owners are priceless in term of sentimental value. These thieves have just wandered in wilfully and spoil other people's parties and celebrations. It's not on," she said.
A series of senseless thefts have cast a shadow over the Diamond Jubilee celebrations of St Nicholas Cathedral in Newcastle. The cathedral opened a floral exhibition and put on several musical performances and a fashion show over the holiday weekend to celebrate the Queen’s 60-year reign. However, cathedral officials have been left disappointed by the theft of items from the floral exhibits, including military medals, map making instruments and a vintage flying scarf.
The Rev Canon Sheila Bamber described the thefts as “outrageous”.
“These displays were designed to be part of the celebration of a great occasion in our nation’s life and stealing from them is a wanton act of selfishness and blatant disregard for anyone else. I simply can't understand what makes anyone stoop so low as to steal items that have very little monetary value but to their owners are priceless in term of sentimental value. These thieves have just wandered in wilfully and spoil other people's parties and celebrations. It's not on," she said.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
THE MAD GANG GO TO FINCHALE PRIORY
Saint Godric's life was recorded by a contemporary of his: a monk named Reginald of Durham. Several other hagiographies are also extant. According to these accounts, Godric, who began from humble beginnings as the son of Ailward and Edwenna, "both of slender rank and wealth, but abundant in righteousness and virtue", was a pedlar, then a sailor and entrepreneur, and may have been the captain and owner of the ship that conveyed Baldwin I of Jerusalem to Jaffa in 1102. After years at sea, Godric reportedly went to the island of Lindisfarne and there encountered Saint Cuthbert; this will not have been a physical encounter as Cuthbert had long been dead and was by then interred at Durham Cathedral. This encounter changed his life, and he devoted himself to Christianity and service to God thereafter.
After many pilgrimages around the Mediterranean, Godric returned to England and lived with an elderly hermit named Aelric for two years. Upon Aelric's death, Godric made one last pilgrimage to Jerusalem, and then returned home where he convinced Ranulf Flambard, the Bishop of Durham, to grant him a place to live as a hermit at Finchale, by the River Wear. His hermitage was originally a wooden structure, about a mile north of the priory but this was replaced by a stone chapel on the site of the future priory when he became a popular holy man visited by many. He is recorded to have lived at Finchale for the final sixty years of his life. As the years passed, his reputation grew, and Thomas Becket and Pope Alexander III both reportedly sought Godric's advice as a wise and holy man.
Reginald describes Godric's physical attributes: "For he was vigorous and strenuous in mind, whole of limb and strong in body. He was of middle stature, broad-shouldered and deep-chested, with a long face, grey eyes most clear and piercing, bushy brows, a broad forehead, long and open nostrils, a nose of comely curve, and a pointed chin. His beard was thick, and longer than the ordinary, his mouth well-shaped, with lips of moderate thickness; in youth his hair was black, in age as white as snow; his neck was short and thick, knotted with veins and sinews; his legs were somewhat slender, his instep high, his knees hardened and horny with frequent kneeling; his whole skin rough beyond the ordinary, until all this roughness was softened by old age."
St Godric is perhaps best remembered for his kindness toward animals, and many stories recall his protection of the creatures who lived near his forest home. According to one of these, he hid a stag from pursuing hunters; according to another, he even allowed snakes to warm themselves by his fire.
Reginald of Durham recorded four songs of St Godric's: they are the oldest songs in English for which the original musical settings survive. Reginald describes the circumstances in which Godric learnt the first song. In a vision the Virgin Mary appeared to Godric with at her side "two maidens of surpassing beauty clad in shining white raiments." They pledged to come to his aid in times of need; and the Virgin herself taught Godric a song of consolation to overcome grief or temptation ("Saintë Marië Virginë").
I. Saintë Marië Virginë,
Moder Iesu Cristes Nazarenë,
Onfo, schild, help thin Godric,
Onfong bring hegilich
With the in Godës riche.
II. Saintë Marië Cristes bur,
Maidenës clenhad, moderës flur;
Dilie min sinnë, rix in min mod,
Bring me to winnë with the selfd God.
Godric is buried within the Priory (see last photo below) and the remains of his stone chapel can still be seen.
Monday, 4 June 2012
MEANWHILE, IN AN ALTERNATIVE
AND MUCH FUNNIER REALITY...
In a surprise last minute announcement, a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace has announced that the original line-up of the Sex Pistols (the one with Glen Matlock rather than Sid Vicious) has reformed and will be headlining The Diamond Jubilee Concert, attended by Her Majesty, The Queen, tonight. In fact, it has further been revealed that it was the Queen, herself, who asked for the group to be added to the bill. A completely unreliable source has whispered to OCICBW... that Her Majesty intends to stand right at the front, up against the stage, when they play their version of her song, "God Save The Queen." This is so she can be close enough to gob on them.
Unfortunately, back in this tediously predictable universe in which we live we have to put up with the worst concert line-up in the world ever. To be honest, I'd rather watch an old woman looking at boats floating by for three hours than spend a second watching this load of brain-numbingly boring tosh.
Unfortunately, back in this tediously predictable universe in which we live we have to put up with the worst concert line-up in the world ever. To be honest, I'd rather watch an old woman looking at boats floating by for three hours than spend a second watching this load of brain-numbingly boring tosh.
Sunday, 3 June 2012
WORSHIP AT SAINT LAIKA'S
A SERVICE OF HOLY COMMUNION
TRINITY SUNDAY
All are welcome to join me in taking communion.
Download via the MP3 icon below the player.
Download podcast via iTUNES.MP3 File
CLICK HERE for order of service and credits
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