LITTLE OLD LADY TAKES ON THE WORLD

GOD BLESS HER MAJESTY

The following photoshop has been liked by over 80000 friends of George Takei so far.

The following is a conversation I had with various people (who will remain anonymous as I am sure they wouldn't want me to reveal their ignorance to the whole world) on Facebook.

Click on images to make them bigger.

IT'S NOT THE WINNING THAT MATTERS,IT'S THE COCA COLA SPONSORSHIP

VATICAN GENERALS LAUNCHASSAULT ON SAN FRANCISCO

In their continuing campaign to take over the legislature of the United States of America, the generals of the Nation of Vatican (a small, independent country in Europe) have dropped the bomb on San Francisco. The weapon of mass destruction, named Don Salvo Corleone (after The Godfather Of All Lies), contains the heavy metal, satanium, which has the unique property of causing extreme harm to gay people and their friends whilst leaving bigots completely untouched.

Full details at THE OAKLAND TRIBUNE.

FROM KA,REN

BECAUSE HE'S NEVER WRONG

THERE AIN'T NO GOING BACK IN MASSACHUSETTS

From THE ADVOCATE:

The Roman Catholic Diocese in Massachusetts was apparently trying to come up with some legal reason it refuses to sell a 44-bedroom mansion in Worcester to a gay couple who wanted to renovate it. But the back-and-forth over email was still appended to the bottom of the bogus explanation that eventually made its way to the couple.

A real estate broker for the diocese said in an email she sent to the couple, James Fairbanks and Alain Beret, that it had suddenly found "other plans" for the property. But at the bottom of the email was this note from Monsignor Thomas Sullivan:

“I just went down the hall and discussed it with the bishop,” Sullivan wrote to the broker, according to the Telegram. “Because of the potentiality of gay marriages there, something you shared with us yesterday, we are not interested in going forward with these buyers. I think they're shaky anyway. So, just tell them that we will not accept their revised plan and the Diocese is making new plans for the property. You find the language.”

LOUD FRIDAY

I have little idea what they are singing about. But it's loud, fast and quite catchy and that's all that's required on a Friday. Enjoy.



BAND'S WEBSITE

NEW NEW WORDS

The August issue of New Words for Holy Communion is now out. Details of how you can purchase this trendsetting liturgical resource can be found at the top of the left hand sidebar.

And if you need more encouragement to part with £2.49 of your hard earned cash, how about this endorsement from the soon to be Bishop of Rhode Island?

We have been using selections from New Words for Holy Communion here at Trinity Cathedral on Phoenix Arizona since they became available. We use them as supplemental texts for weekday and late Sunday liturgies.

The language and the imagery that is contained in each week’s text is faithful, scriptural and wonderfully fresh. By hearing the common themes of the week’s lections expressed consistently throughout the texts, we’ve had a chance to experience the wholeness of scripture and liturgy in a way that has been unique for us. I particularly commend the weekly prayers of the people texts.

I urge you to at least take a look as these texts and think about settings where their freshness and alternative imagery might be a powerful tool in helping people connect with their faith.

The Very Rev. W. Nicholas Knisely, SOSc
Trinity Episcopal Cathedral
Phoenix Arizona USA

BLOG NOTICE

I have noticed that there is an increase in the occurrence of readers of a pedantic frame of mind, and those who are easily offended, to accuse me of using sweeping generalisations and hyperbole. It is what I do. I am a polemicist and humourist and sweeping generalisations and hyperbole are the tools of my trade. Just like my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, my generalisations are sweeping and my boles are hyper all of the time (see The Bible). I do it for effect and brevity. I'm not going to stop.

Therefore, I would be grateful if those of you who have been trained in the noble art of nit-picking would mentally insert the word "some" in front of all nouns that you come across in my posts and comments. I would do it myself if it wasn't for the fact that it would reduce the humour quotient of my posts to zilch and make me look like some stuffy old shirt who always tries to understand the other person's point of view (see "Caption Competition" below).

Carry on.

CAPTION COMPETITION

SOME THINGS MAKE ME REALLY LAUGH...

... and this is one of them. It was posted by our old mate,
Able Seaman Dennis Phd, over on Facebook.

OCICBW... READER ESCAPES DETECTION

Saturday 7th July, saw both a double celebration and a double venue for the occasion of the licensing of the Reverend Chris Mayo. Fr Chris was licensed as the Priest in Charge for St. Andrew’s Tain and the East Sutherland group of Churches; St. Finnbarr’s, Dornoch, St. Columba, Brora and St. Maelrubha’s in Lairg. The day began in St. Finnbarr’s, Dornoch where the service commenced with a gathering of people from the joint congregations as well as from the surrounding community. Once Bishop Mark had preached his sermon, it was into cars and a dash across the bridge to St. Andrew’s in Tain for the next part of the service. Here the Eucharist was celebrated and shared with more friends from the local community and congregations. A time of fellowship and feasting was to follow with an array of food from all corners of the new joint charge. A cake was also cut and shared which was a copy of one of the kneelers which can be found in St. Finnbarr’s.

Well done, Father Chris!
Now get out there and sock it to 'em!

OLYMPIC CAULDRON LIGHTER REVEALED

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Make jokes not war.

SMALL THOUGHTS, WHILST SITTING INA CONSERVATORY ON A RAINY DAYWRITING PRAYERS

Birds do not fall out of the sky,
they think the same as you and I;
it's only the language that we talk
that makes us different from those that squawk. 

NEW ARCHBISHOP OF GLASGOW HASPASTORAL SKILLS OF A SCORPION

The next Vatican Archbishop of Glasgow will be Philip Tartaglia.

It has emerged that earlier this year Bishop Tartaglia spoke about Mr Cairns, a former Scotland Office minister who died of acute pancreatitis last May. At a conference at Oxford University in April he said: 'If what I have heard is true about the relationship between the physical and mental health of gay men, if it is true then society is being very quiet about it. Recently in Scotland there was a gay Catholic MP who died at the age of 44 or so and nobody said anything. And why his body should just shut down at that age? Obviously he could have had a disease that would have killed anybody. But you seem to hear so many stories about this kind of thing, but society won’t address it.'

Mr Cairns’s partner, Dermot Kehoe, hit out at the archbishop-elect’s comments, accusing him of using the personal tragedy of the MP’s death to make a political point about same-sex marriage. Mr Kehoe also said the 'deeply painful' remarks added to the grief and pain felt by him and Mr Cairns’ family.

Full story at THE MAIL.

MORE PEOPLE JESUS MET WHO DIDN'T MAKEIT INTO THE FINAL DRAFT OF THE BIBLE

YOU SHALL NOT GO THE BALL

GIVERS OF ADVICE PLEASE TAKE NOTE

Although many priests (myself included) have lots of transferable skills, in the real world to get a job in employment such as teaching, lecturing and social work you now require a degree specific to the profession you want to work in. Do not contradict me on this, it was the first thing I checked out thoroughly when we moved from Newcastle to County Durham. Do not think that I haven't scoured the job vacancy sites because I have and I do. The only work that might be available to me would be of the most menial and unskilled variety. As I have said before, I would rather die than waste my life experiencing such boredom all day and every day. Remember, I spent 20 years doing those jobs before I became a priest. I know what I am talking about whilst most (although not all) givers of "good" advice do so from a position of success and fulfilment in life.

Non-stipendary priests tend to have worthwhile careers in the secular workplace or are retired or otherwise not in need of an income. Their transference to full time ministry is easy. The opposite is not easy in the slightest. A full time, stipendary priest is not allowed to be of use in any other employment other than that of the full time priesthood. Because a dismissed stipendary priest never receives redundancy, as the Church is exempt from employment legislation, they cannot even set up their own business unless they are fortunate enough to be independently wealthy.

All of this becomes more and more restricting for the rejected stipendary clergyperson the older that person is. It is virtually impossible for a person over fifty years old (possibly 40 years old) to get a job other than in a supermarket or in security, in the North East of England at this time.

That the Church of England authorities (on the whole, there are one or two exceptions) provide no counselling or help for the people they dump into unemployment, let alone real practical assistance, is a terrible indictment of an institution that claims to love its neighbour. That, in reality, a lot of bishops and archdeacons don't give it a second thought and just want you to go away and not bother them, is an obscenity.

THE DAY ON WHICH IT BECAME OBVIOUSTHAT IT HAS ALL BEEN WORTHWHILE

From THE BBC:

Scotland is set to become the first part of the UK to introduce gay marriage after the SNP government announced plans to make the change. Scottish ministers confirmed they would bring forward a bill on the issue.

The announcement was made in the wake of a government consultation which produced a record 77,508 responses.

Scotland's deputy first minister, Nicola Sturgeon, said: "We are committed to a Scotland that is fair and equal and that is why we intend to proceed with plans to allow same sex marriage and religious ceremonies for civil partnerships - we believe that this is the right thing to do."

There will be the usual exemptions from human rights legislation for the churches and other religious bodies.

From Colin Coward (Changing Attitudes):

There were a significant number of clerical shirts, black and purple, at the Downing Street reception yesterday for the LGBT community. Jeffrey John and Grant Holmes, Bishop Alan Wilson, Giles Goddard, Kelvin Holdsworth, Sharon Fergusson and myself among them. David Cameron spoke of the government's determination to introduce equal marriage and I have no doubt todays good news from Scotland will be replicated in England and Wales within two years. Cameron is clearly determined to take on Church resistance to equal marriage. We know from the York Synod that the government is also determined to take on the Church if it fails to propose legislation for women in the episcopate which grants women bishops equal authority with men. We have a powerful ally in this government and the way in which Changing Attitude's campaign for CPs in church and for equal marriage develops is going to be exciting and challenging - we will need all the resources we can muster.

MadPriest was not invited but is pleased that so many of the people, that he has spent the last seven years of his life helping, had such a wonderful time.

GOD AND THE CALL TO PRIESTHOOD

I am often asked by my more pragmatic friends why I don't just suck it up and get a job outside of the Church. Believe me, I fully understand the logic of this line of thought; it is the obvious and sensible course of action. The simple answer to the question is that I don't want to. The full answer would include stuff about who I believe myself to be and whether or not life is worth living if you are just treading water. But how did I get to the stage where I find it impossible to consider "moving on?"

A couple of days ago I received a pertinent comment from Pam over on Facebook.

I replied with the following comment which I don't think would have got my friend running to put on her tin hat.

I have known many people whose lives have been permanently damaged after being turned down for the priesthood. To be manipulated into truly believing that God has spoken to you and then told that you were just making it all up and that you were putting words into God's mouth, is a terrible thing to have to live with. In fact, putting someone into such a situation is downright cruel.

If I was to stop being a full time priest (which is what I was "called" to be) then I would be facing the same existential crisis that rejected ordinands have to deal with. My pain would be no worse than theirs but I do have the added problem of having been indoctrinated with the concept of the priesthood being a complete and irreversible calling for over twenty years. This concept is so embedded in my personality and thinking that to remove it would be like removing my heart and my fear (to be honest, my certain knowledge) is that there is no new heart available out there with which I could replace it.

There is a simple answer to this conundrum, if not for myself then for future candidates in the discernment process of the Church of England. Ditch God and the Spirit of God from the equation altogether. When asked why you are seeking ordination the answer, "Because I want to be a priest and I believe I could do the job well," should suffice. Of course, this would mean that both the candidate and the Church would have to accept that they are personally responsible for their own decisions and actions, no longer could either party dump the responsibility onto God if things went wrong. And no longer could they claim God's involvement if things went well. In my opinion that would be a definite change for the better. Being served by priests and bishops who did not believe they were God's gift to the laity would make the Church a much more pleasant, cooperative organisation to belong to for everybody.

MADPRIEST'S ALTERNATIVE OLYMPICS

Let's face it, the Olympics are getting a bit old hat, a bit samey to say the least. We've all seen the 100 metre sprinters' equipment bouncing up and down; we've all gawped at the gymnasts and we're even getting bored of posh people falling in the water during the cross country part of the horse riding competition. What is needed are some new sports, ones we haven't seen that much before.

Here are a few suggestions.
Please feel free to send in your own.

First off, freestyle healwork to music. Makes synchronised swimming look like an under 5s ballet routine.



Or how about some top class face-pulling from the world gurning champions?



And here's a painful to watch display of extreme sporting prowess.

MYSTERIOUS BENEFACTOR

At long last God has got his wallet out
and put his money where his mouth is.

THE DOS AND DON'TS OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT

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Check out the customer images and then
scroll down and read the comments. 

But, be warned, if you are tempted into
purchasing and then using it yourself,
READ THE 
INSTRUCTIONS 
FIRST!

BLOG NOTICE

You will have noticed that I have been banging on about a couple of issues recently, especially that of the unchristian treatment of the mentally ill by the bishops of the Church of England.

Do not panic!

I am not relapsing into depressive obsession. It is a campaign. I have grabbed the attention of people and I am running with it. My small axe has cut down big trees before and it will do again. It is my hope that just one of the 24000+ unique visitors to OCICBW... every month will be a person of influence and that they will read this stuff and feel either ashamed enough or encouraged enough to risk their future preferment in the Church of England by breaking ranks with the controllers of church practice and do something effective to change this awful situation of continuing ignorance that pervades the upper regions of the church hierarchy.

It could be you.

AVOIDING MADNESS

I would love to know how many Church of England bishops, archdeacons and lay executives watched "Ruby Wax's Mad Confessions" last night on British television, a programme about how people hide their mental illness in the workplace because one out of five mental health sufferers lose their jobs when their bosses find out. My guess is very few and then only those who are already committed to doing something about the heartless, cruel and cold treatment of those who work for the Church of England and suffer from mental health problems.

Oh, yes, they will read their books of quack psychology (disingenuously categorised as "pastoral care") and they will subject their staff to pigeonholing personality tests, but they will never, ever listen to the mentally ill themselves let alone help them. They prefer instead, like my ex-bishop, to take away their employment (sack them), to sweep them under the carpet and exclude them from the church.

One in five mental illness sufferers lose their jobs? My guess is that the percentage is much, much higher in the Church of England.

My life and the lives of countless others have been ruined because of the ignorance and arrogance of bishops who believe themselves to be experts on psychology but who are, in fact, completely ignorant about the true nature of mental illness, who are scared shitless about it and who run away from their pastoral responsibilities. And it's not just an English problem. In the last 24 hours I have received emails from an Anglican priest in a country where you would think everybody would be knowledgeable about mental health issues. That priest is being treated exactly the same as I was. That priest's boss is even coming out with the same "It must be work related stress" bullshit that I got from Martin Wharton.

Because of the collegiality of Church of England bishops and their natural instinct never to admit their mistakes and certainly never apologise and try to make right, it is extremely unlikely that I will ever be employed as a priest again. They will never redeem the evil they have committed in the past, but there is the possibility that they will start again from scratch and that employees of the Church of England who go down with a bout of madness will not, in the future, find themselves being treated like potential child abusers by the one person who should be most concerned with their recovery and future happiness. But it will need the friends of those with mental health problems to demand that the bishops educate themselves and start acting like Christian leaders not bank CEOs. More than anything we, the modern day lepers of the Church, need those few bishops who are not bigots to find their balls and force their less enlightened colleagues into getting educated about mental health. And not only that we could do with bishops who are Christlike rather than Murdochlike.

I HAVE IN MY HAND A PIECE OF PAPER

LIFE IS SHIT AND THEN YOU DIE

It is the futility of employment in an economy that primarily exists to make life luxurious only for the controlling elite that leads to drug abuse, alcoholism, single parenthood and hedonism. When people realise, as most do, their complete lack of worth, they seek oblivion or the transitory feeling of worth that creating more cogs for the machine brings them.

You will tell me that life is not all about work, that people should seek fulfilment outside of their work. I reply that you are a naive and blinkered fool. Deliver your platitudes to the man who has worked all day providing goodies for the lord of the manor and has returned home with only enough energy to eat a ready made meal and flop himself in front of some undemanding tosh on the goggle-box. If he can find enough strength he will punch you in the nose.

WHERE DOES HE FIND THEM?

Oh, this is a real beauty. No days off purgatory for getting through it though.



And doesn't the bon tempi organ just set the words off a treat?

POLITICIANS HIJACK BRITISH SPORT

Dear Prime Minister,

Bradley Wiggins won the Tour De France today and as you pointed out in your immediate interview on the television it was a fine achievement. Many people in Britain will be happy because of his win. His cycling prowess is one of the things that makes Mr Wiggins great. However, his win is not what makes Britain great as you claimed, no doubt so that some of his personal glory would shine on you. He just won a cycling race. This may or may not bring in more more money at the Olympics and that in turn may bring in more money from tourists. But all the money in the world going into the pockets of British businessmen and the Exchequer will not make our country great.

What would make our country great and make it stand out above other nations would be you getting your party to vote through Parliament new laws that would redistribute the wealth of Britain so that all of us get the chance to enjoy our lives without living in poverty and all of us get to enjoy the wealth of our country equally. Where nobody gets to live in a mansion whilst others sleep on our streets. Where nobody gets to go to a better school only because of the wealth of their parents. Where a person who labours all day and goes home with every muscle in his body aching earns the same rate of pay per hour as the banker sitting on his bum on his leather seat behind his oak desk.

And believe this, Mr Cameron. No matter how many gold medals Great Britain wins at the upcoming Olympic Games, I will still remember the mess your friends, the bankers, have made of our economy and that it is their fault that we are now in recession. I will still remember the Barclays Bank scandal and the fact that you refuse to conduct a public enquiry into what went on. I will still remember the CEO of Barclay Bank's £2000000 golden handshake after he resigned. I will still remember your cosying up to Murdoch. I will still remember all the inequalities in my country that you do nothing to alleviate preferring instead to keep your friends in business happy.

When you go on television and try to spin the achievements of ordinary British individuals to your own advantage the people of "this great country" see right through you to the person you really are.

THE LONELINESS OF BEING MAD

I received a telephone call from my mother today. She is one of those rare people who not only care about the problems and pain of others but also tries her hardest to alleviate them. This means that people contact her and dump stuff on her. If a problem falls within my range of skills or life experience she will contact me as she did today.

A lady who I have known since 1972, a widow who must be in her late seventies or eighties now, has suffered from depression of and on throughout her life. When her husband was alive she insisted that nobody was to find out about this especially when she needed medical intervention. In her mind mental illness is something to be ashamed of. Recently, she succumbed to a serious bout of depression and eventually referred herself to her local mental health hospital where she is now resident. She still has an overwhelming fear of people, even her friends and family,  discovering that she is ill. Of course, people have found out and, as she is a well-respected woman, she has many friends, all of whom are now extremely worried about her but can't get to see her and support her because she refuses to allow anyone to visit her because of her embarrassment.

So, I did some ringing around and hopefully a chaplain or pastoral visitor to the hospital will make contact with her (purely in the course of their work, of course) and be able to help my old friend to let go of her fear of the stigma she believes is attached to mental illness. At the very least, even if she still refuses to admit her friends, she will have someone to talk to in the pastoral visitor. I would point out that she lives three hundred miles away from where I now live, otherwise I would go and see her myself, disguised in the attire of my former occupation.

Whoever speaks to her will need to persuade her that she is wrong about being ashamed of her mental illness and that people don't view her as weak and not normal, as some sort of freak to be avoided. The problem is that this would be a lie. My friend is partly right. Although suffering from a mental illness is not something to be ashamed of, many people will regard her as weak and not normal, as some sort of freak to be avoided. I know this, only too well, from bitter (and is still does make me bitter) experience. When I was in hospital for months on end (over a decade ago now) none of my clergy colleagues visited me or contacted me, let alone my bishop at the time. When I was convalescing at home after being released from hospital the rural dean had to visit me to give me communion. But he did not engage in conversation with me, he would rush through the service in a couple of minutes, and would rush out the door with some excuse about having to be elsewhere as a matter of urgency, before I had managed to swallow the bread. When I was ready to start to return to work, the bishop (first through his archdeacon and then directly himself) told me in no uncertain terms that I would have to retire because a person who had suffered from mental distress was not strong, reliable and safe enough to be a parish priest.

I offered my services, as someone who had been through mental illness, as a resource for the diocese. I said I was happy to go and speak to churches and church groups about mental illness. Not once was my offer taken up. Church leaders in Newcastle were happy for people who had never suffered from mental illness to talk to their people about mental illness but not anybody who had first hand experience of any kind. I discovered that mad people had more cooties to be frightened of than women and gay people put together.

Not everybody treated me as a contagious leper. There were people who helped and supported me and maintained their friendship with me throughout my illness. None of these people went to or belonged to a church. Because I was ill all those years ago I have been unable to get a secure job in the Church of England and I never will now, unless the important people in the church let go of their own fear of mental illness, their view that the mentally ill are weak and incapable (even when they are well) and stop viewing the mad as people to be sympathised with from afar but never brought close and included. Those important people who do not have such a wrongheaded understanding of mental illness need to accept that they have colleagues who are bigots and they need to stop listening to these bigots and use their own discernment about the capabilities of people who have suffered from mental illness. More than anything the important people in the church, the hirers and firers, need to start looking for ways of fully including those of us who have suffered from mental health problems even if that means thinking outside of the box for a change, rather than throwing us onto the scrapheap of unemployment and poverty which is, believe me, a place of very little hope, especially if you are relying on institutional Christianity to help you.

I was so naive when I became sick (I had not been a priest for long). If I had known then what I know now I think I may well have copied my friend now languishing, unvisited, in a hospital ward, and avoided telling anybody about my condition or looking for help. I would have probably ended up dead following such a course, but at least my wife would have got my work insurance death pay out and some of my full pension. In stead, I have no pension to speak of and my wife is herself becoming depressed because of the hopelessness of our situation.

But my friend is not looking for work and, as far as I know, has nothing to do with the church. So I hope and pray that whoever visits her will be able to return a feeling of self worth to my friend and persuade her to allow her friends to visit her and that she is not regarded as a failure in life - even though far too many people and most of the professionals in the Church, despite what they might say in public, believe she is.

FOUND BY VIV

WORSHIP AT SAINT LAIKA'S

A SERVICE OF HOLY COMMUNION

THE SEVENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY

THE EIGHTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST

All are welcome to join me in taking communion. 

The order of service is posted beneath the audio file so that you can join in with the service. The words in bold type are the ones we say together.

If you want to physically partake of communion you will require a small piece of bread and a small amount of drink (preferably made from grapes and containing alcohol). How you view the nature of this part of the service is completely up to you.

The order of service is posted beneath the audio file so that you can join in with the service. The words in bold type are the ones we say together.

Click on the arrow on the player to stream.

Download via the MP3 icon below the player.

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MP3 File

CLICK HERE for order of service and credits
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