The high-tech defenses the Vatican is deploying for next week's conclave are so impressive that it will be a miracle if even the Holy Spirit can slip in to the Sistine Chapel. On Friday the Vatican's chief spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi, confirmed that special jamming devices will be surround the Sistine Chapel and the Santa Marta guest residence where cardinals will be sequestered during the conclave. This will not only prevent electronic eavesdropping on the secret proceedings, but will also stop cardinals from communicating via telephones or computers with the outside world.
Now, you see, this wouldn't be necessary if the Vatican wasn't such a male only enclave. If the cardinals had got wives with them they would never be able to get onto the phones anyway.